Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
