I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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