just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
