Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
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IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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