I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
