You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
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We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
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If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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