New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize