What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
