Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
