I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
