I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
