So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
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i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
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You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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