Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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