I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Your cock deserves a montage
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
