FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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