After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
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