I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
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