my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
