And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
