just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
