I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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