We're facebook friends in real life
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Randomize
