I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Randomize
