Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
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