i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
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