The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
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