oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
