does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Randomize
