i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Randomize
