Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
