***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
they need to just BURY HIM!
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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