I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
