i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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