some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
