Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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