Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
