i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
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