I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
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