she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
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