You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
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