i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Randomize
