Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
