As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
im holly from the hills drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize