and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
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I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
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My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
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