So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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