i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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