I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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