I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize