she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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