I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
