this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
