just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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