I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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