the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
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