All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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