It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Just invented taco cereal.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Randomize
