Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
