I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Randomize
