the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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