i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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