when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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