My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
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