I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
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