Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
