i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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