have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Randomize
