I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
