Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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