I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Randomize
