no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I miss vodka workout Fridays
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
