so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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