See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
