Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
